History | The Portland Accord

The Portland Accord: The Early Year

The PORTLAND ACCORD was signed into being on July 14th, 2008, at the historic After-Gonzo Conference which took place in downtown Portland, Oregon. Several drinks and cigarettes were consumed but the parties were resolute in their determination to further society's artistic goals and in so doing prevent population growth.

Since the historic signing ceremony, the United Nations has recognized the Portland Accord as a Floundering Document, stating in resolution P3875.218 on November 27, 2008 that "the precepts and bylines forthwith must nevertheless be consistently reinstated to be incorporated into overall patterns of self-determinational jurisdictional matters, notwithstanding formulations regrettably contraindicating previous precedents and underlying commitments of unintentioned para-parties whosoever must albeit intra-apply the corresponding codicil under section §BPMB.420 of the Dumbarton Oaks charter, so help me God." To mark this momentous occasion, gin was consumed and several U.N. delegates were discovered, weeks later, washed ashore below the U Thant memorial arch in the East River facing the United Nations complex.

The Portland Accord: The Other Year (2009-2010)

As the second After Gonzo convention-- held in Cyberspace, Indiana-- wound down, the delegate from New York took the floor. Quoth he: "I just wanted to say, while the moment is here, that I believe the 2008 Portland Accord was, overall, extremely successful. I would like to congratulate all of us on a more or less positive year, and I look forward to an even more productive 2009 Portland Accord, with even higher standards for the artistry, positivity, literacy, loquacity, rancor, squalor, casual sex and drinking that defined the previous year. Hip hip hooray!" The remaining delegates agreed and sagely nodded their heads while simultaneously tearing open Trojan packets.

The Portland Accord: The Other Other Year (2010-2011)

In the third iteration-commensurate regarding diplomati-literartistic quasi-infustulations, the Accord renewed its mutual, now-legal marital vows in not one but two consecutive squamishes (also known as interventions). First, a plenary session in Washington, D.C. (a city made famous by minor appearances on "The Wire") in which there was much rejoicing as the delegates experimented hepatically with saturation of fermented liquidities. In a follow-up session consisting of a supermajority (with the other delegates represented by a wife and a dog), the plenipotentiary potentates explored the exponential potentiality of repurposing property in the proximity of Portland (Maine) for the purpose of propagating particularly promising practices pursuant to their previously private professions (there was also a preponderance and proliferation of pointless prolix). The year was marked by granting suffrage to a female delegate who created her second novel shortly thereafter in a feat of Accord-inspired artistry. Other triumphs of the delegates over the year include a new comedy book, a new book of poetry and several affiliated awards, a PhD, an annointed PhD-to-be, the migration of a delegate (and wife) to the site of the original Portland signing (2008), and infiltration of the Portland mayor's office for the embedding of several propagandistic collages. In terms of assorted triumphs, the Accord's third year has been its most successful. Most importantly, owing to the Accord's sole Amendment, the year may have also raised $200 for shared booze money to be dispensed at the next delegation.